Ten Short Film Reviews 7 – Steven Seagal Special

Steven Seagal+

A few months ago, we got Sky+ hooked up. Now that I can record any old film and watch at my convenience, I watch all sorts of films that I know aren’t very good, but if I’m even slightly curious, I’ll Sky+ it anyway and get round to watching it when I’m in the mood. This has facilitated my recent viewing of so many Steven Seagal films. His popularity is strange, but not inexplicable; Seagal plays bad-ass characters with confidence and believability in a way his action movie peers do not. Van Damme is athletically superior, Schwarzenegger is bigger and tougher, Willis is grittier, Stallone is more likeable. But Seagal has a presence on screen that comes from the fact that in real life Seagal Fears Nothing. That he never bothered to become a muscled hulk proves this. He plays the same character over and over and. in a way, he has a fraction ( a tiny fraction) of what Eastwood has, and that’s a fraction more than anyone else.

Nico: Above The Law – 1988, Andrew Davis
The one that started it all. Legend has it that talent agent Michael Ovitz saw Steven Seagal performing an aikido demonstration and decided to make the tall, dark, slim martial arts master a star. Steven’s acting debut basically consists of a petulant Dirty Harry impersonation that he wouldn’t change for the rest of his career. But to Stevesies credit, his first performance is better then either Van Damm or Schwarzenegger’s debut as leading men. Steven was involved in the writing and all the preachy and unnecessary “the CIA shouldn’t be able to get away with the shit they pulled in Nicaragua” stuff was probably his input (Steve would go on to include political and environmental rants in later films).

Marked For Death – 1990, Dwight H. Little
The one with the Jamaicans. Probably the last Seagal film that the big man actually runs in, and for good reason. It didn’t take long to realise that Steve is at his best when standing still, but it’s fun to watch him in his younger days moving quickly. Lot’s of hilarious Jamaican stereotypes and a good supporting performance by the reliable Keith David.

Under Siege – 1992, Andrew Davis
The one worth watching. The only one that spawned a sequel (I think). The best Die Hard rip off of them all. So good in fact that it started the trend for ‘Die Hard on a something’ movies (Passenger 57 was released in the same year but with less impact). So what makes this one so good? The plot is simple but well crafted, and better than the usual Seagal flick. The supporting cast of Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey and Colm Meaney is the best Steve ever appeared with, but other Seagal films feature talented actors as well. The thing that makes Under Siege stand out is Steven’s performance. He’s playing the same character as always but he holds back all the ‘Seagalisms’ that usually go with it (or maybe director Davis, working with Seagal for the second time, should take the credit?) For the uninitiated, the worst aspects of a Seagal performance that sometimes crop up are:

adopting a strange southern states accent, even though he was born in Michigan and raised in California.

delivering his lines in a mocking, piss take manner because he’s so confident he can beat the crap out everyone else, removing any threat that the villain may potentially cause (often prefixing his line with a rhetorical question, perhaps ad-libbed).

Under Siege features none of these and is the most watchable Seagal film because of it. Casey Ryback returnes in...

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory – 1995, Geoff Murphy
The one on a train. Introduces Ryback’s sassy teenage niece, an idea used in Die Hard 4.0 with John McClane’s daughter (these films have become self perpetuating). Probably the second best Seagal film, it’s a lot lighter in tone that its predecessor and equally well paced and entertaining. The script actually deserves a better supporting cast as Eric Bogosian clearly wasn’t the first choice to follow in Tommy Lee Jones footsteps, although Everett McGill does a good job as the chief heavy. I always recognise him as the corrupt DEA agent from License To Kill “Sorry old buddy, but two mill is a hell of a chunk of dough.” Apparently Steve only agreed to make this if the studio financed his environmental mouthpiece On Deadly Ground. He clearly isn’t keen on sequels but I’d love to see a third. In fact I’d like to see a crossover with Die Hard. ‘Die Hard 5: Under Siege’ anyone?

Glimmer Man – 1996, John Gray
The one with Keenan Ivory Wayans. Just about the last film where Seagal still has his good looks, before he let himself go. Like ‘On Deadly Ground’ Seagal uses this film to push his personal beliefs, in this case it’s basically an advert for Buddhist spiritualism (the type of Buddhism where it’s OK to violently murder people so long as they try to hit you first). Brian Cox plays the evil agent-man holding Seagal’s badass killer past over his head. Given that it was a failure at the box office, it’s kind of surprising that Glimmer Man became the template for all the ‘Seagal and a Black Guy’ movies that followed.

Fire Down Below, 1997 – Félix Enríquez Alcalá
The one with Kris Kristofferson. Another Segal film with an environmental message, another box office flop. This one apparently lost more money that On Deadly Ground, which is a shame because it’s actually quite good. I’d even go so far as saying it’s the third best Seagal film I’ve seen. Set in rural Kentucky with an excellent country / bluegrass sound track, the story is actually quite compelling. Seagal is the Agent Man in the Deep South, seeking out a truth that the locals don’t want to face. It’s not exactly Mississippi Burning but it’s better than the usual plot that Steve has to work with (and better than anything he’s capable of writing himself). Although it gets a tad strange when they introduce an unnecessary sexual abuse twist. It seems quite long for a Seagal film though, mainly because the action scenes are so spaced out. The fighting and shooting and car chasing is exiting when it does occur, and the bits in between are helped by a good supporting cast including Harry Dean Stanton.

Exit Wounds – 2001, Andrzej Bartkowaik
The one with DMX. Seagal’s last film to make money at the box office, it kicked off a brief series of collaborations with rappers who want to be actors and don’t let a lack of ability stop them. As if to make up for X’s failings the cast includes Anthony ‘Antwon Mitchell’ Anderson, Michael Jai White, Bill Duke and even Eva Mendes, but all of them are underused. DMX does the soundtrack of course; including the worst ever sample of a Bill Withers song.

Half Past Dead – 2002, Don Michael Paul
The one with Ja Rule. The last Seagal film given a cinematic release. This one’s a prison drama (one more genre piece to tick off the list Steve, now how long until the film about battling cyborgs from the future?). Filmed almost entirely on a sound stage, in contrast to the straight to DVD films that followed; external locations in eastern Europe are cheaper. Morris Chestnut plays the villain in this one, you may not remember him as the comic relief black guy from Under Siege 2. The hilarity of Ja Rule getting the crap kicked out of him must have been intentional. When he’s not being bounced off the walls, he’s spouting generic gangsta bullshit that had grown very stale long before 2002, as had the Matrix style trench coats that the bad guys wear.

Renegade Justice – 2007, Don E. Fauntleroy
The one with...Eddie Griffin? The plot is typical of Segal’s modern straight to DVD fare, but what’s not typical is his clear commitment to the project. The plot is coherent, there’s no voiceover or abrupt ending which are the usual signs that Segal has fallen out with the director, demanded more money or refused to return for re-shoots. Steve rolls into LA to find out which gang killed his son; was it the Latin Gang or the Black Gang. The guy in charge of the Latin Gang is Danny Trejo, and he’s cool, so it wasn’t them. The guy in charge of the Black Gang is Eddie Griffin, whose stereotyped performance makes Marked for Death seem progressive.

Kill Switch – 2008, Jeff King
The one with Isaac Hayes. And that guy from Miami Vice (not Don Johnson, the other guy). I touched upon this one back in May this year, but only to mention how disappointing it was. It was penned by the great man himself, who has been more involved with the writing of his films from the early 2000s (about the time he started going straight to DVD). The plot revolves around some kind of Se7en-esque crazed killer picking off his victims methodically but it doesn’t take long to descend into incoherence. The fight scenes appear to have been edited in such a way to make them as funny as possible.

It’s a shame that Steve is no longer capable of more that throwing a punch or firing a gun, he’s clearly not bothered about staying in shape. A guy in a bad wig stands in for him in all the fight scenes nowadays. I’ve no idea of what his role in the upcoming Machete will be like, but I hope that someone someday casts Seagal in a role he deserves, in a film directed by someone who can keep him in check and make him stick to the script (which Steve hasn’t had a hand in writing). Until then, I suppose I’ll look in on Channel 5 or Bravo every now and then and see if they’re finally showing On Deadly Ground (the one with Michael Cane).